My Life in a Glass Box

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 00:30:54 GMT

I just signed the lease for our fancy palace downtown....I don't think it's sunk in yet, so i'm actually gonna come back and write about it in a few hours after pondering.

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 09:22:44 GMT

Sleep is for the rested.

After a while everything starts to meld, sound becomes colours.
You feel both sadpy and conmiserabletent at the same time.
I suppose as contradictory as those to things are they just tend to amount to nothing.
I feel like nothing.
The first of the four dimesions just kind of liquify into a big blobby mess.
I liquify too, and begin to spread thin. Like margarine on toast.
The doctors still aren't sure if magarine is healthier than butter. I'm curious about that.
Magarine is made of a lot of the same stuff as plastic. I tried wrapping my lunch in it. I just got magarine all over the place.

I just stared into space for exactly 3 minutes. It's gotten boring, staring into space. I'd like to stare out of space sometime soon.

Question marks are explanation marks with no self confidence.

? - Why's life always getting me down? ! - Shut the fuck up you.

My good sense is telling me it's time to finish this. I'm gonna trust it because my bad sense keeps letting me down.

Gnite All.

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 09:12:15 GMT

Still waiting for my moment...

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 09:03:19 GMT

I'm so tired it feels like I'm on mind altering drugs.

What a killer buzz.

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 21:17:57 GMT

So , I've ben driving the work car at Bullet for a couple months now, it's nice, feels like it has some power. So last night for the first time I thought I'd see what it could do and peeled out of the parking lot of the place I deliver tapes to every shift......and almost hit a cat with two baby cats.

The moral?

Working kills kittens.

I'm on salary now ...

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 08:08:55 GMT

Flaps closed....check.
Taped shut......check.
Wallet, watch , deodorant, toothbrush....check.

Seems like I'm good to go. Lying down the cardboasrd is more comfortable than I imagined, must be corregated. Life's not so bad in here. It's comfortable, it's warm, I'm generally protected from the elements. Though the air is a little musty, it's mostly predictable. Mmmmm I could get used to this. Dark though, I'll just grab my....

Shit.

The flashlight, I must've left it outside. What am I gonna do now... ok well there always...the knife too. I forgot the fucking knife too. Son of a bitch. What else did I leave out there?

* * *

It's starting to feel smaller in here. My claustrophobia rises as the air becomes more recycled , more dank from the moisture of my panicked breath. The more I think about it , it's not the flashlight or the knife I left out there, it's fresh air, sunlight , possibility, unsurity, everything that is beautiful. I miss them greatly, I miss turning corners, instead surrounded by them, suffocated by them. Sure I'm safe in here, safe from the elements, safe from failure safe from risk. But am I safe from myself. It sure is hard to see the sun rise in Paris from here without the flashlight.
And fuck, I shouldn't have forgotten the knife.

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 23:49:32 GMT

My name is Charlie :

*I don't post very often anymore.

* I'm officially finished college and a member of the real world.

* The real world is an admitedly frightening and disorienting place.

* I leave two hours early for work everyday. I work in Toronto.

* 8 hours sleep - 2 hours travel = 6 hrs sleep all the time.= Tired.

* I enjoy my job greatly.

* I enjoy not having lifted a table in over a year.

* I am terribly out of shape as a result.

* I ride my bike often now.

* Riding bikes makes you feel like your 9 years old.

* I miss being 9 years old.

* I miss my puppy dog.

* Maybe when I move out I can get a new one.

* I'm moving out a soon as I can.

* I need to figure out my priorities.

* Priorities are a frightening and disorienting thing.

* So is life.

* I'm done.

End of an Era...

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 07:55:27 GMT

Wow....college is almost over...like one week from over. All those faces gone...all those places and experiences gone. It's really tough to absorb it all. I dont know if I'm ready to leave, but going back to school is of course senseless as it's the people I'll miss more than anything. Welcome to life, time to be caught in the tide, dragged away by the surf, devoured by the sea of who knows. I'll miss these days, but they'll always hold close to my heart. Media fest was tonight, I took a few awards, that was kool, maybe the last time I'll see alot of these folks though , one more week of school and it's all done, truly the end of a great era. *le sigh*

thing i stole from hanna cuz i cant fall asleep

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 04:49:20 GMT

Stolen from Myspace. Fun Music Survey. Comment here with YOUR results.

Open iTunes, Winamp or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is... Make sure you do it honestly, nobody will judge you from what kind of music your listening to, it can be quite fun.

Total songs: 225, i like to keep my machine running pretty lean.

Sort by Song
First song: The Great Gig in the Sky- Pink Floyd
Last song: X.Y.U. - Smashing Pumpkins

Sort by Time
Shortest song: On/Off - Daft Punk (0:19)
Longest song: Shine On you Crazy Diamond (1-5)- Pink Floyd (17:32)

Sort by Artist
First Artist: Anberlin
Last Artist: VHS or Beta

Sort by Album
First Album: The B-52's (it's self titled)
Last Album: You Forgot it in People - Broken Social Scene

Sort by Most Played –
I dunno, I usually use Winamp.

Search the keyword and see how many songs appear
"Sex": 0
"Death": 9
"Love": 3
"You": 23
"Me": Everything on my list came up...odd. I’m confused too.
''Drugs'': 0
''Hate'': 0

Search for your own name, how many?: 0

Do The Shuffle!
Shuffle your library and list the first ten songs. Be honest!

1. sorrow - pink floyd
2. the game needed me - minus the bear
3. The tide - the spill canvas
4.Shampoo Suicide - Broken social scene
5. Prime time of your life - daft punk
6. steam machine - daft punk
7. this ain't a surfin' movie - minus the bear
8. we only com eout at night - smashing pumpkins
9. phone home - the dillenger escape plan
10. when worlds collide - the jimmy swift band

hmmmm...

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 19:22:25 GMT

Invalid video URL.

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 05:45:33 GMT

I want to wander forever on an island of mist where the wind sings sweet hymns to troubled souls.

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 05:07:45 GMT

FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK STOP PROCRASTINATING YOU BASTARD...that kinda worked...now to get stuff done...at 12:08am.....shit.

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 05:57:46 GMT

IF life is just a series of moments in rapid succession are we finding our selves in perpetual free fall, like a row dominoes falling , stakcing moment upon moment to the point where we no longer see the their value until they're spread behind us on the floor of the past. Or is it more like a car blasting down a highway at top speed , picking interchange after interchange to push further towards it's destination, and if so are we the drivers?

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 03:58:36 GMT

While riding my steam ship through the outermost stars of the milky way I met a man named Hope.

Hope: "Greetings"
Me: " You know there's a lot of people looking for you, what're you doing all the way out here?"
Hope: "Well they could find me if they wanted to. I'm not hard to reach"
He flashes warn out old cell phone at me.
Hope: " But I mean, what would happen then?"
Me: " Well, they'd stop looking I suppose."
Hope : " Sad thing that'd be...... You take care now."
With that Hope vanished with a starry explosion into the cosmos. Dusting off my trousers I hopped back aboard my steam ship. With a thankful sigh of releif I carried on, I had almost given up searchng.

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 02:12:30 GMT

If the last 12 months could be scarred by anything it's the loved ones I've lost. My grandma passed in July, I miss her deeply, the holidays just aren't the same without her, I miss the small talk over the phone and the visits, but I've become to come to terms with it.

Now it's happened again, we had to put Brandi down to day, I haven't really had a chance to process it all , I can feel that terrible pit of your stomach sadness sinking in but I'm fighting it the best I can. I had to come out to Toronto today for co-op, I wish I could've have been there to support my family, spend a little more time with my puppy, but that's life I guess. She was too old, far too sick, it wouldnt have been right to let it continue, put her through pain. It's strange though she had so much spunk , she still would play and fight right until the end. She was such a happy though slightly neurotic dog lol. I'm gonna miss her alot. *sigh* Well, *raises glass* this one's for you pup, we'll miss ya.

Brandi <3

For the greater good...

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 07:10:42 GMT

You fit in with:
Humanism

Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations.

20% spiritual.
60% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

So endeth the battle , but not the war.

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 04:25:39 GMT

So, shooting is FINALLY complete on Sagacity, the short film I'm doing for school. Sure we've got a voice over or two to capture still but the big difficult stuff is out of the way. I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders, shoots require so much organization between actors and crew and extras and locations and equipment availability and all that sort of crap. So much work before you get to the location, making sure you get all the shots you need, that it's all in context and that it all looks good. Don't get me wrong I love shooting, just don't dig the planning, not my bag.
Editing starts up next week, which is exciting, I look forward to seeing all the random shots we've captured come together into something that actually flows and makes sense. The whole thing has to be done on December 12th so it's coming down to the wire, but I think we'll be fine. Afterward Zach and I are gonna have a big screening party, not sure when yet, so if you're interested lemme know.

Well, I better get to sleep , I've got news in the morning and I'm sure the journalism kids will have something boring and mundane for me to shoot, maybe some street signs or something. *shudder*

Night all.

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 20:07:16 GMT

Alright so alie and I had a talk last night.

We ended up deciding not to totally end it, neither of us felt comfortable with it after a couple days of letting it soak in.

I did however explain to her that I just need more space , so we're gonna keep things more casual for the time being, which is more what i wanted, i just want to live like i'm single-ish for a while (well minus the girls) and not lose her, i do care alot about that girl. I guess we'll see what happens from here on out.

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 07:53:43 GMT

I feel like the most vile evil prick right now.
I've never done anything this hard in my entire life.

Alie and I broke up , its my fault.

I just want to be single right now, I need some space to float where th wind takes me. There's alot of opportunity on the horizon. I don't want to be some dick boyfriend who neglects their girlfriend because he has other things on his mind, thats why I've done this.

It killed me to see her hurt, it killed me to say the word, god damn i mean she still means so much to me and to cause that pain was like stabbing myself in the back. I fear so intensely that I'll wake up and regret it all, I fear so intesnsely that nothing can be turned back if do, that I may have fucked up something great, I fear that so much.

But it's done and over with and all I feel like is shit.....so what does that mean?

I really am a fucking asshole, aren't I?

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 05:33:47 GMT

Why is it the heart plays mind games with the soul?
I'm not writing in code.
It's more that I'm not even sure what I'm typing.
I need guidance.

Strange dreams a brewing...

Mon, 15 Aug 2005 03:40:48 GMT

Head hits the pillow and darkness fades to black.
Images rush.
Convoluded concoctions of symbols and faces.
Half memories held together by fictional plot lines.
I know you , I've seen you in this place before.
Strange visitors from backwater regions of the soul.
Why do you bring messages that lie to the waking world?
Maybe you hold truths under a cloth waiting to be revealed.
Maybe you're a liar.
"Maybe" answers very little at all.

Farwell to a saint...

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 01:19:28 GMT

Standing
Arms folded.
Tears land on parched ground.
Sun beats down from above.
There's scarecly a sound.

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to dust.
Words stab daggers
My chest feels crushed.

It seems like yesterday,
We'd sit and we'd talk
You'd ask about life,
Share the paths that you've walked

Sugary cereals, plastic toys
That big comfy red chair
Didnt matter what we did,
It was love that we shared.

Now you gone far away
But you'll be near
I know you were strong
Helps me through the tears.

Ashes to ashes
As I share last good byes
Though your no longer with me,
I know you stand by my side.

We buried my Grandmother today, I've never really experienced anything this hard before,in fact its still hard to believe it. Funerals were always for people I hardly knew, not for ones I loved so dearly. All the immediate family went to her apartment after the ceremony and it as i sat there I kept expecting her to pop her head out of the kitchen and ask who wanted a drink or walk out from the hall with a letter or picture to show everyone. She was a sweet and strong willed woman who fought right till the end. She's not in pain anymore, she's happy now, she's with Grandpa now and thats very comforting. I'm really gonna miss her.

Love you Grandma.

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 06:27:02 GMT

Summer breeze whistles through windows and conversation clutters the air,
the perfect harmony to the melody of my headphones.
Eyes magnatized on a curiosity at the back of the bus.
Short glances so as not to draw attention.
Have you ever encountered someone who has left impressions on you.
Struggled to make eye contact.
See if you could make such an impact on them as they had on you, if you'd left your mark.
After all dont we all want to leave an impression on this world we live in?
To see that silver glint of reconition come through.
One cant help but wonder...
I know I still am.

Time Never Claimed to be Kind....

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 00:30:42 GMT

I just found out my Grandma has lukemia, they give her a month..2 tops.
I've been so lucky to never have to experience anything like this before. It's certainly not easy, it all happened so fast. Her blood was checked 3 months ago and they said she was fine. Amazing how quickly things can change. *sigh*
Sorry i blew everyone off tonight, i just didnt much like going out.

Night.

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 00:00:31 GMT

It's funny how ironic life can be sometimes.

I went to do a tent setup at Hamilton general hospital today, first job of the day. So' we get there, open the door to the truck and go to pull the ramp out so we can unload and hell dont you know it my thumb gets crushed between the top of the ramp and a piece jutting out the bottom of the truck ( quite the design flaw if i do say so myself.) Anyway big cut, and my thumb swells up to twice itys size. "Best place for this to happen though", was one of the first things to enter my mind with a chuckle. So i waltz on in to the ER, a nice 3 minute walk from the truck, x rays all that crap, it seems ive chipped the knuckle bone in my right thumb, what a way to start the day!! *attempts thumbs up....fails miserably* personally i think the cast is a little oversized...but hey they're the professinals not me, gotta wait a few days before i find out if the have to go in and get any work done on it.

Perfect timing though, my cousins wedding on saturday, so im gonna at least have a topic of conversation with everyone lol.

Peace out pimps. :P

ps if anyone could come open this jar of pickles for me, it would be most appreciated.